Auntie Fatcat's

Sit down, have a cookie, and chat for a spell.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Boys' Lessons

My beloved nephews David and Derek came to visit me for most of last week, along with their parents. We went to a Mariners game, took in the zoo, saw the animatronic dinosaurs at the Pacific Science Center, and watched the IMAX version of Robots. While all this was going on, I had plenty of exposure to the wit and wisdom of nine- and three-year-old boys. Here's what I've learned:

1. My name is Aunt Spiderman Buddy, and I had best answer to this. Quickly.

2. Baseball players are to be judged not by their prowess on the field or with the bat, but by how well they do what you want in your baseball video game.

3. The child who is not particularly heavy the first time you "up" him ("Me-me no see! Up me!") will have gained approximately one and a half tons by the time he develops an acute case of "owie toes" and must be carried home.

4. No matter where you go to eat, the kids' menu will offer a cheeseburger and fries, and the kids will choose this 80% of the time. The remainder of their choices will be macaroni and cheese (10%), cheese pizza (5%), and quesadillas (5%). The real mavericks might pick cheese enchiladas or grilled cheese sandwiches, but offerings not involving cheese are unacceptable.

5. The Mariners' mascot is not a moose, but a reindeer. He works for Santa in the winter and the Mariners in the summer. The Sonics mascot is not a Sasquatch, but a doggie.

6. Live butterflies can be scary if they fly right past your head. When fleeing from scary butterflies, it's important not to flee into the neighboring "Bees & Wasps" exhibit.

7. Small boys often have superpowers. Among them are the ability to make crosswalk lights change and the ability to see my house from each and every one of the binocular things on the observation deck at the Space Needle.

8. M&Ms and Skittles mixed together don't taste as bad as you might think.

9. Komodo dragons are cool, even if they are not as scary as butterflies.

10. Just because a person is wearing his Spiderman jammies does not mean he should be addressed as Spiderman. Sometimes Superman has to wear his Spiderman jammies when his mommy makes him put his Superman jammies in the wash.

Today I got a nicely illustrated card thanking me for showing "my boys" a great time. I say thanks to them, for reminding me what a great time looks like.


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